The Quartering [5/11/2021]
Gwyneth Paltrow may be the most out of touch moron on the planet.
Lockdown has hit us all in different ways, but few can claim to have improved their lifestyle after so many months of hibernation, social isolation, and intoxication.
Of course, the amount of suffering varies wildly across economic lines, and a recent Gwyneth Paltrow interview serves as an amusing reminder that for some, hitting rock bottom feels relatively soft – as spongy as a freshly baked loaf of bread.
In the interview, Paltrow reveals her deepest, darkest confessions, admitting that she was “totally off the rails” during pandemic and “drank alcohol” to get through the mind-numbing boredom of quarantine.
Paltrow claims she was drinking no less than two cocktails “seven nights a week” in the middle of lockdown, a mild coping mechanism which Paltrow seems to believe is hideously abnormal, stating:
“I mean, who drinks multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like, that’s not healthy.”
It gets worse – Paltrow also admitted that the ceaseless stress of an unprecedented medical emergency sparking chaos across the globe pushed her into the warm, welcoming arms of gluten.
Hence, alongside those two alcoholic cocktails, Paltrow even found herself “making pasta and eating bread.”
People like to accuse Chrissy Teigen of being difficult to relate to, but Paltrow is operating on an entirely different level – it’s almost impressive.